This dress was meant to end up on your floor
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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