I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
