People in love make me want to vomit
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
