Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
