my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
