dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
