I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
