I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
