The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
