I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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