The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
