wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
