Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
