im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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