Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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