She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Michael Bay diarrhea
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
