Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
