Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
