If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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