...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
