I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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