I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
