so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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