This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
