i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
