it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
