I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
