Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
