me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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