I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
