the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
