don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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