So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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