so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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