It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
