i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
