Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
