I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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