She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
