good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
