Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
