I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
