I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
it was like eating out sand paper
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
