You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
