idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
