kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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