So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
