I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You are the jesus of drinking
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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