I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
