Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
